P52 Week 4 - Self Portrait

I had elaborate dreams for this weeks theme "Self Portrait." I was determined to take a picture of myself that I loved, one of those "This will be my facebook profile pic for the next year" pictures. But, as usual, life got in the way. Don't get me wrong, I took tons of pictures this week, but none of me. I ended up taking a picture of myself with my point and shoot outside while at work today since I was determined to have a post up before midnight tonight, to meet the challenge. I'm not in love with it, especially when looking at some of the other beautiful portraits linked to the challenge, but it's me so it counts.

Maybe that's what's hard... I don't always feel like the me I see in pictures right now. I think that's the problem.  I've always hated pictures of myself, going back to school days. I don't even really love myself in my wedding pictures, even though they are the best ones of myself out there. I guess I don't like the reminder that I don't look like the me I want to portray to others, the me I know I am inside. And, unlike those who can let that person shine through any exterior, I've always been one to hide behind the things I don't like.

I have to remember though, as the main blog post for this challenge reminded me today, that the people in my life who love me, love the me I am now, the me I was once, and the me I will be in the future; and looking back, they might want to be able to see those me's in pictures, not just in their minds. So maybe another goal I might have to make for myself this year is to see a little bit more me when reviewing my photo files. More than just the occasional "Oh yeah, she does exist..." once a year picture from previous years. Because there is nothing I love more than looking back through old photos of family and reminiscing about the memories and laughing and the way everyone used to look, and I hope one day my children will want to do the same.

Maybe if I take more pictures, I really can get that profile picture I want.....